I'm so incredibly pissed off right now.
See this program? Artisteer. Yes, I wanted this program. My husband even offered to buy it for me as a birthday gift. I declined. I wish we had tons of money so I could buy everything I ever wanted, but ya know what... we don't. That's life.
And then a very nice lady came along DAYS LATER and offered to send me $50 to go towards Patches shots. She sent it to me. It's in my PayPal account right now. So you know what? I told my husband that instead of spending $50 on buying me some program for my birthday, how about he just pitch in the rest of the money needed to get Patches her shots and all that stuff from the SPCA. And that is what we agreed upon.
We didn't go yesterday. I called the SPCA to make sure the $95 they charge for "adoption fees" which included all of the shots, deworming, frontline application, spay, etc would actually apply to a stray cat we'd found. Turns out, yes.. it does. But there is a place in Columbia who will spay for $35 and do shots for $5. So that $50 we were given will cover it all plus the cost of the gas to get there. Perfect. So we didn't go yesterday.
I'd like to go tomorrow. It depends. Charlie is working a weird schedule. He normally starts work at 6pm but now it starts at 12 in the afternoon. But if at all possible, Patches will at least get her shots tomorrow [I was informed that she may not be old enough / heavy enough to get spayed yet. I don't know if that's true?].
So I didn't get the program, but I continued on and I finally finished the re-design of Digital-Dish.com last night. Funny, the website still exists - it just has a different index page while my host JaguarPC and the registrar of the domain GoDaddy, get all of their appropriate ducks in a row. Changing the DNS settings and associating my domain Digital-Dish.com with my host JaguarPC, cost me nothing. I didn't have to buy anything. I didn't have to spend any money to change the settings. It was really no big deal at all. Digital-Dish.com was merely acting as a redirect for IMVUDigitalDish.blogspot.com because let's face it... Digital-Dish.com is a much better URL. lol
So last night, I told everyone that Digital-Dish.com was under construction. Again.. page still exists, it just has a temporary index page. Big whoop. I've been planning this for weeks. ShortFatCyclops.com is going to go through the same thing this weekend. I just happened to finally understand how to use Wordpress, self host my blog and have more control over it [which I apparently need since I have complete idiots posting anonymously here and leaving absolute garbage for comments].
Look at my PayPal account. HERE. That is ALL transactions for the month. That includes everything - stuff going in, stuff going out, debit card, etc. The only change in my PayPal account since September 1st has been the $50 I was gifted. I haven't touched it. I blurred out the woman's name for her privacy since it includes her first and last name.
How dare ANYONE question my integrity - especially to do so anonymously. Grow up and stop causing stupid drama. Jealously is not becoming.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Blessings From Strangers
I'm so incredibly touched right now. In fact, I'm still crying as I write this.
This year has showed me both the good and bad sides of the world - particularly the people who inhabit it. I'm lucky that despite all of the negativity in my life and the emotional pain I am going through, I've still somehow managed to meet some incredible people who have made all of this just a bit less painful for my family.
And then there's Patches. I believe in fate and I think she ended up on our doorstep for a reason. I'm feeling rather lonely these days and quite frankly, I've run out of things productive to do with my time. With Hailey not here to nurture, my days literally consist of browsing for jobs to apply for, working, communicating with my clientele and keeping the house clean [which really is a damn breeze since I'm married to a man who cleans up after himself and understands the concept of a hamper]. After all of that, it's like... What am I supposed to do with my time?
I've also been so sick in the last week and having Patches to play and cuddle with has been really healing for me. It's just a calming experience. Cinders doesn't much care for affection - or rather, he wants it on his own timing. And Flora... her idea of attention involves running around and chasing after a toy. She's a very on the spur of the moment kind of dog and her energy and need for attention comes in bursts. So it's been nice having a little animal around who needs and wants me.
It's been suggested to me that I should continue living my life as if Hailey were home. That's something I've stuck to the best I can. But when I have nothing to do, where else am I going to be than at my computer? There is only so much television and sleep one can soak up. I can't afford to go out and even if I could, it's not something I'd be doing if Hailey were home. Most we ever did was go to the grocery store without her or to the movies. So right now, Patches is a nice little filler for my time.
And luckily after today, I think we will be bringing her into our home very soon. An incredibly nice woman from IMVU who I hardly know to be honest, donated $50 to go towards the cost of getting Patches "house-cat friendly". The kindness of strangers absolutely astounds me. I catch so much crap from people at times who suggest that people online can't be real friends and then I experience things like this and I say "Well why the hell can't my online friends be considered real friends!?" I'm truly touched and extremely blessed. I'm fortunate to experience such a wonderful happening during such a cruel time in my life. A million thanks once again to the very nice lady. We'll be sure to take excellent care of little Patches!
This year has showed me both the good and bad sides of the world - particularly the people who inhabit it. I'm lucky that despite all of the negativity in my life and the emotional pain I am going through, I've still somehow managed to meet some incredible people who have made all of this just a bit less painful for my family.
And then there's Patches. I believe in fate and I think she ended up on our doorstep for a reason. I'm feeling rather lonely these days and quite frankly, I've run out of things productive to do with my time. With Hailey not here to nurture, my days literally consist of browsing for jobs to apply for, working, communicating with my clientele and keeping the house clean [which really is a damn breeze since I'm married to a man who cleans up after himself and understands the concept of a hamper]. After all of that, it's like... What am I supposed to do with my time?
I've also been so sick in the last week and having Patches to play and cuddle with has been really healing for me. It's just a calming experience. Cinders doesn't much care for affection - or rather, he wants it on his own timing. And Flora... her idea of attention involves running around and chasing after a toy. She's a very on the spur of the moment kind of dog and her energy and need for attention comes in bursts. So it's been nice having a little animal around who needs and wants me.
It's been suggested to me that I should continue living my life as if Hailey were home. That's something I've stuck to the best I can. But when I have nothing to do, where else am I going to be than at my computer? There is only so much television and sleep one can soak up. I can't afford to go out and even if I could, it's not something I'd be doing if Hailey were home. Most we ever did was go to the grocery store without her or to the movies. So right now, Patches is a nice little filler for my time.
And luckily after today, I think we will be bringing her into our home very soon. An incredibly nice woman from IMVU who I hardly know to be honest, donated $50 to go towards the cost of getting Patches "house-cat friendly". The kindness of strangers absolutely astounds me. I catch so much crap from people at times who suggest that people online can't be real friends and then I experience things like this and I say "Well why the hell can't my online friends be considered real friends!?" I'm truly touched and extremely blessed. I'm fortunate to experience such a wonderful happening during such a cruel time in my life. A million thanks once again to the very nice lady. We'll be sure to take excellent care of little Patches!
To Keep or Not to Keep?
Yet another story about Patches, our "outside cat"...
I've been dancing around Charlie trying to figure out how he felt about keeping Patches. I didn't know if he wanted her or if he was just keeping her around because I've become so attached to her [and her to myself]. But he told me today that he'd like to keep her.
That's great and it's the answer I was hoping for. But it's not the happy, perfect scene you'd imagine. While Charlie would like to keep her, he wants her to remain outdoors for now in hopes that "in a few months" we'll be able to afford to spend the money on her shots. I'm not at all happy with that. I don't agree with that at all.
I'm stubborn and I'm a very now or never sort of woman. I believe in seizing opportunities because I know if we don't do what we want now, the chance for it won't come around when we finally decide to act. I know this because it always seems to happen that way to me. Beyond my stubbornness is that voice in the back of my head screaming to me "That's not fair." - to Patches that is.
I keep thinking about our own Flora and Cinders being inside and not having to run under the house when it rains. I remember just a few months ago how really upset Charlie was [more like completely devastated] when Cinders took a trip under the house and we couldn't get him to come out. I remember it raining and I remember what a stressful and upsetting day it was for all of us - Cinders included. So how fair is it for him to say that Patches is just fine living under our house?
Oh wait... it's not.
I want to keep Patches. I'd very much love to give her a home. I'd like very much to have a new kitty to love on and take care of [And at this point in the year after all I have been through, I think in a lot of ways, I need Patches]. But I can't just force her to live outside for the next few months because I only hope my financial situation will change and I'll be able to more readily spend the money on the things she needs in order to be an indoor cat.
I told Charlie that before his vacation is over, we need to make a decision. Either we take Patches to get her shots at the SPCA and bring her into our home, or we take her to the SPCA where they will take care of her and find her a good home. If we really love that darn kitty as much as I think we do, than that's our only options.
I've been dancing around Charlie trying to figure out how he felt about keeping Patches. I didn't know if he wanted her or if he was just keeping her around because I've become so attached to her [and her to myself]. But he told me today that he'd like to keep her.
That's great and it's the answer I was hoping for. But it's not the happy, perfect scene you'd imagine. While Charlie would like to keep her, he wants her to remain outdoors for now in hopes that "in a few months" we'll be able to afford to spend the money on her shots. I'm not at all happy with that. I don't agree with that at all.
I'm stubborn and I'm a very now or never sort of woman. I believe in seizing opportunities because I know if we don't do what we want now, the chance for it won't come around when we finally decide to act. I know this because it always seems to happen that way to me. Beyond my stubbornness is that voice in the back of my head screaming to me "That's not fair." - to Patches that is.
I keep thinking about our own Flora and Cinders being inside and not having to run under the house when it rains. I remember just a few months ago how really upset Charlie was [more like completely devastated] when Cinders took a trip under the house and we couldn't get him to come out. I remember it raining and I remember what a stressful and upsetting day it was for all of us - Cinders included. So how fair is it for him to say that Patches is just fine living under our house?
Oh wait... it's not.
I want to keep Patches. I'd very much love to give her a home. I'd like very much to have a new kitty to love on and take care of [And at this point in the year after all I have been through, I think in a lot of ways, I need Patches]. But I can't just force her to live outside for the next few months because I only hope my financial situation will change and I'll be able to more readily spend the money on the things she needs in order to be an indoor cat.
I told Charlie that before his vacation is over, we need to make a decision. Either we take Patches to get her shots at the SPCA and bring her into our home, or we take her to the SPCA where they will take care of her and find her a good home. If we really love that darn kitty as much as I think we do, than that's our only options.
Oh Silly Patches
Look at how happy Patches is! It's because mommy just fed her and she has a full, happy belly!We're still undecided on what we're doing with her. Charlie's mom suggested that we keep her as an outdoor cat for at least a few months in hopes of our situation changing and us maybe being able to keep her. Charlie said we would talk about it later in the week.
I don't know... I'd much rather just take her to the SPCA now rather than keeping her living under my house for months in hopes of what 'may happen'. She's just an animal, but her life rests in our hands and we have to be fair and do what's best.
From what I can tell, it's actually cheaper to go there instead of the vet if we did want to keep her. It's $95 for: age appropriate vaccinations, dewormings, spay or neuter surgery, rabies vaccination, feline leukemia and FIV test, Frontline application, collar, ID tag and a cardboard pet taxi. And considering how much I know it costs for Flora and Cinders for that stuff, I know that $95 is a steal. Doesn't mean I have it to spend right now, but it's still a good price.
Patches is getting really playful so I'm hopeful that if we decide to give her to the SPCA, she'll find herself a good home. She's so snugly which I'm not used to being that our cat Cinders doesn't enjoy affection this much. Patches has been giving me little love nibbles and batting at my hand with her paws playfully. She's really sweet and it's such a shame that someone probably just dropper her off on our doorstep without a care.
Just Say No to Generic Mayo
There are so many ways to cut corners financially and a big one is buying cheaper food. Buying generic brands is pretty key and most off brands taste the same as the big names - and sometimes even better for half the price.We've started buying Walmart's brand "Great Value" and for the most part, it's been an okay experience [this from the family that takes a lot of pride in their cooking and enjoys the use of fresh and quality ingredients]. It's been a little tough. That Great Value pasta just wasn't quite what we're used to but it'll do. These Great Value wheat crackers aren't quite the Wheat Thins I love, but they are a decent alternative. The Great Value butter - well, it's butter. The Great Value Frosted Flakes are okay - slightly different texture but they taste pretty good.
All of that, I could handle.
And then there came the Great Value mayonnaise. No friggin thank you. Okay so maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Charlie hadn't mistakenly picked up the Light version [double ew]. It's not Charlie's fault. Not like he's ever purchased this brand before. But boy is it nasty. I draw the line at generic mayo.
There are just things I can't live without even if there is a cheaper alternative. I believe in Charmin toilet paper. I hang onto very few luxuries and I refuse to let that one go. Fortunately my husband agrees with this. My Lipton Citrus Green Tea and my Arizona Tea are my drinks of choices and either one or both of them are in this house at all times. But most other things, I can either do without if I have to, or find a cheaper alternative.
It's almost my birthday and I'll whine if I want to.
My birthday is in two weeks on September 14th. It's coming quickly and it just crossed my mind. It's hit me that we won't be doing anything for my birthday. Not that this should bother me I guess. It's not like I have had a decent birthday in years anyway so what's one more? At least this year I'm not being held against my will in my bedroom and being told that I'm being punished.
I want Hailey home for my birthday. But that's a Monday and she has therapy. And I know if I tell her grandparents that I want her, they will say okay and substitute Monday the 14th in for Saturday the 12th when I'm supposed to have her - thus defeating the entire point. And if they didn't do that, it would mean I'd have to make an extra trip to Charleston to get her. She's worth it - every penny and every mile. But blah just the same.
I don't think Charlie has gotten me anything for my birthday - not that I blame him nor do I want to make him feel guilty. It's not like I was able to get him anything for his [although it was at his request that we didn't really celebrate it]. On the one hand, I want to do something fun and enjoy the day. On the other hand, it would leave me feeling all crappy and guilty for spending money just because it was my birthday.
I don't even know what I'd want. Well, I do - but it's not going to happen anyways.
I want Hailey home for my birthday. But that's a Monday and she has therapy. And I know if I tell her grandparents that I want her, they will say okay and substitute Monday the 14th in for Saturday the 12th when I'm supposed to have her - thus defeating the entire point. And if they didn't do that, it would mean I'd have to make an extra trip to Charleston to get her. She's worth it - every penny and every mile. But blah just the same.
I don't think Charlie has gotten me anything for my birthday - not that I blame him nor do I want to make him feel guilty. It's not like I was able to get him anything for his [although it was at his request that we didn't really celebrate it]. On the one hand, I want to do something fun and enjoy the day. On the other hand, it would leave me feeling all crappy and guilty for spending money just because it was my birthday.
I don't even know what I'd want. Well, I do - but it's not going to happen anyways.
It's a Girl... Now what do we do with it?
So little Patches is definitely a girl. Great... just what we need.Charlie picked her up and looked to determine her gender and to get an idea of if she were too skinny or not. She's really healthy. And for being a stray, she's mighty domesticated. So Charlie thinks she may have been dropped off on our door step. She's not afraid of people at all. She practically ate food directly from Charlie's hand and she understands the concept of eating out of a dish.
He keeps saying that she'll be fine because she's being fed and knows she's being fed. She has the house to live under if it gets too hot. She has plenty of room to play under there and cats mice and bugs to eat. "She'll have a good life", he says. Well I'm not happy about it. I keep thinking about Flora and particularly Cinders. They get to lay around inside the house in luxury. There is no too hot or too cold. When Flora is cold, she gets under the blankets. When Cinders in hungry, he doesn't have to hunt for his food because it comes on time every day in his very own dish.
Okay, so we're also feeding Patches food - twice a day right now. Charlie thinks she's about a month old. But still. She's out there all alone all day. And if she's as domesticated as she seems, then she isn't going to do well out there before long. What happens when it gets cold? Our animals get to snuggle up with us inside while Patches is left outside to fend for herself? That's not fair. In fact, I think it's rather cruel. There is no "OMG wash your hands immediately after you pet that" in regards to our animals. I understand why... more than I think Charlie realizes I do. But it doesn't make me happy.
I know we can't afford to take her in. I understand that the shots she requires and to be spayed costs a lot of money. I know it's money we don't have right now. We have our own pets to take care of - not to mention much more importantly... having money to take care of Hailey. But if we can't properly take care of Patches and give her the home she deserves, then we need to take her to some place where she can have that.
I'd love to take her in and that's huge for me because if you know me at all, you know I hate cats. Cinders is a very different kind of cat. He thinks he's human and he acts like a dog. I like him... most days. haha Usually I'd just be pissed off that a cat were hanging around the house [particularly a female cat], but I feel so bad for little Patches. I wish I could give her a home. I don't know anyone who could take her in besides bringing her to the rinky dinky animal shelter here. I know that's probably what I should do, but I don't know what will happen to her there.
I don't know what to do with her. I feel selfish keeping her around because I'm so smitten with her if I can't at least get her the proper care and bring her into our home.
It's Been a Crazy Week...
This last week has been insane. From being just plain busy to trying to have a little "me time" to finding out my ex-husband married a grandma and now my friend Sara is engaged and Ooie has to have knee surgery and be out of work for a long time. Just a crazy, crazy week.
As luck would have it, Charlie is off for the next 13 days. Thank goodness. We have so much still to do. Like, I dunno... painting the bedroom. I know, you're going "Damn Kimi.. You aren't done painting yet!?" No. Humor me.. I'm short. I can't even reach the top molding while on a step stool, so I need Charlie's help. haha Hailey's bedroom ceiling could use another coat of primer. Otherwise, it's been done for ages. My office has been done for ages and we finished the dining area and 99% of the living room before the wedding. There is a small area of wall that needs attention. I want to finish that and then paint the bedroom so we can move furniture all over the house again.
I dread the bathroom. In fact, I may just leave it alone for a while longer. My landlady needs to step it up and fix the bathtub tile. It's actually starting to kinda piss me off. I think I've waited long enough and been pretty dang nice about it - maybe too nice for that matter. Don't even get me started again on the monstrosity that is the painted over, wallpapered walls. *sigh*
And then Taa-Daa! We can get to work on Hailey's playroom - finally! I'm so excited about it! It's right next to my office and it's a much bigger area to spread her toys out in. I really want to separate her room and play time so she better understands when it's bed time. It's too easy for her to get out of bed and play with her toys when she should be sleeping.
And then there is just general work, work, work. From regular commissions to IMVU stuff to looking for a job outside of the house, I am just so freaking busy. In fact, I'm typing this with wet hair when I should be in the bathroom drying it so we can go grocery shopping. Heehee
And tomorrow is finally Saturday! I'm so excited! I miss Hailey bunches. Thinking of taking her to the park tomorrow if it's not blazing hot. Otherwise, we'll just play outside at home a bit under the big tree. No idea what to feed her tomorrow. I hate grocery shopping these days. I'm still so in the habit of wanting to pick up stuff that I'd normally get for her and then remember she won't be around to eat or drink it anyways. Heck, I even made her a sippy cup a few days ago not thinking. It's been a while since I did that and it got me really upset.
*Eyes clock* Okay, okay.. I need to finish getting ready and get outta here!
As luck would have it, Charlie is off for the next 13 days. Thank goodness. We have so much still to do. Like, I dunno... painting the bedroom. I know, you're going "Damn Kimi.. You aren't done painting yet!?" No. Humor me.. I'm short. I can't even reach the top molding while on a step stool, so I need Charlie's help. haha Hailey's bedroom ceiling could use another coat of primer. Otherwise, it's been done for ages. My office has been done for ages and we finished the dining area and 99% of the living room before the wedding. There is a small area of wall that needs attention. I want to finish that and then paint the bedroom so we can move furniture all over the house again.
I dread the bathroom. In fact, I may just leave it alone for a while longer. My landlady needs to step it up and fix the bathtub tile. It's actually starting to kinda piss me off. I think I've waited long enough and been pretty dang nice about it - maybe too nice for that matter. Don't even get me started again on the monstrosity that is the painted over, wallpapered walls. *sigh*
And then Taa-Daa! We can get to work on Hailey's playroom - finally! I'm so excited about it! It's right next to my office and it's a much bigger area to spread her toys out in. I really want to separate her room and play time so she better understands when it's bed time. It's too easy for her to get out of bed and play with her toys when she should be sleeping.
And then there is just general work, work, work. From regular commissions to IMVU stuff to looking for a job outside of the house, I am just so freaking busy. In fact, I'm typing this with wet hair when I should be in the bathroom drying it so we can go grocery shopping. Heehee
And tomorrow is finally Saturday! I'm so excited! I miss Hailey bunches. Thinking of taking her to the park tomorrow if it's not blazing hot. Otherwise, we'll just play outside at home a bit under the big tree. No idea what to feed her tomorrow. I hate grocery shopping these days. I'm still so in the habit of wanting to pick up stuff that I'd normally get for her and then remember she won't be around to eat or drink it anyways. Heck, I even made her a sippy cup a few days ago not thinking. It's been a while since I did that and it got me really upset.
*Eyes clock* Okay, okay.. I need to finish getting ready and get outta here!
I Suck at This Friendship Thing
I've been sort of going over all of this in my mind the last few days. Last week, Cheyenne writes me up because she sees me lurking on MySpace. Her boyfriend [and our friend] Ooie was working all night, she was bored and so she asked me if I wanted to go get something to eat. It's the first real chance I've had to be sociable without Charlie included [okay, there was that one time Sara invited me to her mini get together across the street, but being that I don't really drink nor have a ton in common with those people, it wasn't exactly earth shattering fun].
I made up an excuse not to hang out with her. I didn't lie or anything - just made up an excuse. I told her I didn't really have the money right now to go out to eat and well, that's true because I really don't. But that doesn't mean she and I couldn't just hang out or something. She probably would have come and picked me up and us go hang out - just us girls. But so many things flooded my mind and stopped me.
I feel horrible when I do fun stuff without Charlie. He works so hard to provide for us. I know he's miserable at his job. How unfair is it if I run off during the day to hang out with friends? He doesn't get to do that as much as he'd like to. So I don't feel right going off to have fun without him. I'm sure he'd love to go hang out with our friends.
So I didn't go out. Part of me just didn't feel like it anyways. I was in my pajamas [okay, unless I'm leaving the house, I'm always in my pajamas lol] and something just clicked and I didn't go. I could have made alternate suggestions for stuff that didn't require money. But I didn't, and I am very sorry Cheyenne. It really had nothing to do with you. I guess it was a weird day for me.
I made up an excuse not to hang out with her. I didn't lie or anything - just made up an excuse. I told her I didn't really have the money right now to go out to eat and well, that's true because I really don't. But that doesn't mean she and I couldn't just hang out or something. She probably would have come and picked me up and us go hang out - just us girls. But so many things flooded my mind and stopped me.
I feel horrible when I do fun stuff without Charlie. He works so hard to provide for us. I know he's miserable at his job. How unfair is it if I run off during the day to hang out with friends? He doesn't get to do that as much as he'd like to. So I don't feel right going off to have fun without him. I'm sure he'd love to go hang out with our friends.
So I didn't go out. Part of me just didn't feel like it anyways. I was in my pajamas [okay, unless I'm leaving the house, I'm always in my pajamas lol] and something just clicked and I didn't go. I could have made alternate suggestions for stuff that didn't require money. But I didn't, and I am very sorry Cheyenne. It really had nothing to do with you. I guess it was a weird day for me.
Charlie May Lose His Job
Just when things were about to get better [or rather, I thought they were], today happens. Charlie got sick at work. Really sick. He threw up a lot and ended up having to walk out 45 minutes before he was supposed to. He couldn't do it. Charlie's a strong-willed person and when he says he was sick and couldn't do it, he really means it.
I'm expecting him to be fired. I know, you are probably thinking "well he was really sick and they won't fire him over that". I wish that were true. AT&T enjoys firing people it seems - especially in this economy where lots of people are eager for a job and will happily take your place. You get in trouble for everything there and if you miss even a day of work because you severed a body part, you get written up and you can only get written up so many times in a year before you are fired. Charlie is at the end of his rope on that one.
Pray for my family. This is the worst time possible for this crap.
I'm expecting him to be fired. I know, you are probably thinking "well he was really sick and they won't fire him over that". I wish that were true. AT&T enjoys firing people it seems - especially in this economy where lots of people are eager for a job and will happily take your place. You get in trouble for everything there and if you miss even a day of work because you severed a body part, you get written up and you can only get written up so many times in a year before you are fired. Charlie is at the end of his rope on that one.
- He missed work because of bone spurs growing from the bottoms of his feet - a very common problem for people who suffer from gigantism. He also got tendonitus and as the spurs pierced his tendons, it caused them to seize up and tighten more. So yes, he missed work. He was in tons of pain. He couldn't work through it.
- He also had that migraine that lasted for months. He needed a cat scan and all sorts of crazy things because the pain simply wouldn't go away. I thought the man was going to die - and that's no exaggeration. It was very scary for us. Charlie missed a week of work. He didn't have a choice. He could hardly even open his eyes, much less read a computer screen. He had tons of doctor's notes and they didn't matter.
Pray for my family. This is the worst time possible for this crap.
Something Good Is Going To Happen
Something really good is about to happen - I can feel it. We've been struggling and working really hard - especially in the last few months. Money is tight, but I feel like we might just catch a break somewhere. Something might just give a little.
I was really lucky to be invited to a promotional bundle advertised by IMVU on their entire website. I don't earn a ton of money per sale, but it's already sold more times than I had expected it to. I've made more money in the last 24 hours than I have in a long time because of it - so it was really good exposure and really helpful financially.
And Chris, my best friend... bless that man. He has really proven himself to me this year in ways I never expected. He's done so much for this family and I'm truly forever in his debt. I didn't have the money needed to hire a lawyer to fight for Hailey - it's why I didn't have a lawyer in the first place which is why I lost her at a status hearing for my divorce. He loaned me the money and I promised to pay him back with Charlie's tax return. But then we got the tax return and almost immediately, other people began holding their hands out for money. It's been one thing after another. I've borrowed money from Charlie's mom, we've sold things and yet more people hold out their hands.
And yet, Chris randomly hired me to do some graphic work for him for one of his websites yesterfdy. I have no doubt that he probably wanted to re-do the site but he's perfectly capable. I know he hired me so neither of us had to feel weird about him giving me more money. He'd tell you that wasn't it, but that's the kind of guy he is. No idea how much he's paying and quite frankly, I don't care. Every little bit helps right now. So I took the opportunity and I started making graphics for him.
So in that respect, things are looking up. I can't believe the Guardian Ad Litem could possibly want more money and I'm actually rather pissed off about it. We're talking $1,500 this woman just charged. I realize she charged $150 an hour, but what on earth has she been doing that she's used up $1,500 worth of her time? We haven't been to trial in ages. It couldn't have taken her more than an hour to read my evaluation. I can't see it taking hours to e-mail back and forth with the two lawyers. Believe me when I say that it doesn't matter what the cost is - because Hailey is always worth every penny. But how on earth could it be time to pay this lady again? I just managed to squeeze $300 out of our pockets to finish paying her - and we had to sell stuff to do it. She's a wonderful woman and I'm happy to have her really on my side. She's been thorough. But good Lord, no one has the kind of money she's after.
Oh, this was supposed to be a positive blog. Oh well. You have to take the good with the bad. The point is, I think that we're somehow going to be okay. Some way, somehow, everything is going to work in the end. Yesterday Charlie said "It can't happen like this forever, because we're good people and deserve better than this." He's right. We've been through a lot of hardships in the last year but we've stuck together and gotten through them all. We've worked really hard and we deserve something good to happen.
I was really lucky to be invited to a promotional bundle advertised by IMVU on their entire website. I don't earn a ton of money per sale, but it's already sold more times than I had expected it to. I've made more money in the last 24 hours than I have in a long time because of it - so it was really good exposure and really helpful financially.
And Chris, my best friend... bless that man. He has really proven himself to me this year in ways I never expected. He's done so much for this family and I'm truly forever in his debt. I didn't have the money needed to hire a lawyer to fight for Hailey - it's why I didn't have a lawyer in the first place which is why I lost her at a status hearing for my divorce. He loaned me the money and I promised to pay him back with Charlie's tax return. But then we got the tax return and almost immediately, other people began holding their hands out for money. It's been one thing after another. I've borrowed money from Charlie's mom, we've sold things and yet more people hold out their hands.
And yet, Chris randomly hired me to do some graphic work for him for one of his websites yesterfdy. I have no doubt that he probably wanted to re-do the site but he's perfectly capable. I know he hired me so neither of us had to feel weird about him giving me more money. He'd tell you that wasn't it, but that's the kind of guy he is. No idea how much he's paying and quite frankly, I don't care. Every little bit helps right now. So I took the opportunity and I started making graphics for him.
So in that respect, things are looking up. I can't believe the Guardian Ad Litem could possibly want more money and I'm actually rather pissed off about it. We're talking $1,500 this woman just charged. I realize she charged $150 an hour, but what on earth has she been doing that she's used up $1,500 worth of her time? We haven't been to trial in ages. It couldn't have taken her more than an hour to read my evaluation. I can't see it taking hours to e-mail back and forth with the two lawyers. Believe me when I say that it doesn't matter what the cost is - because Hailey is always worth every penny. But how on earth could it be time to pay this lady again? I just managed to squeeze $300 out of our pockets to finish paying her - and we had to sell stuff to do it. She's a wonderful woman and I'm happy to have her really on my side. She's been thorough. But good Lord, no one has the kind of money she's after.
Oh, this was supposed to be a positive blog. Oh well. You have to take the good with the bad. The point is, I think that we're somehow going to be okay. Some way, somehow, everything is going to work in the end. Yesterday Charlie said "It can't happen like this forever, because we're good people and deserve better than this." He's right. We've been through a lot of hardships in the last year but we've stuck together and gotten through them all. We've worked really hard and we deserve something good to happen.
I Won My Money!
Last month, I was hacked - quite badly actually. One person gained access to my credit card information, personal e-mails and various accounts I have online. It was really scary. This person by finding out the password and information from just one account was able to use all of my accounts against one another to find out more and more information which lead them as far as having access to my Paypal account - and almost my bank account.
I was lucky. Very lucky. Whoever this guy was, he actually took the time out of his day of hacking to speak with me. He told me everything he'd gotten into. He left everything open so I could change my passwords and regain control over my online life. He told me exactly how he got to everything. It started with my Ripway.com account.
For several months, I'd used Ripway as the free hosting space for some minor web pages I wanted - before I chose to go the route of having my own, BIG hosting space LegendaryWears.com. But as fate would have it, I decided to spend a little money to up the daily bandwidth on my Ripway account until I had everything moved and dealt with. I then canceled my account and I never used it again.
As it turns out, Ripway does a poor job of keeping credit card and other personal information away from prying eyes. I was only too happy to be done with them by this point. That is until a few days ago, when I suddenly found myself $28 short in my bank account. Ripway had taken it for some annual fee. It's not much, but $28 is more than I can afford right now - especially on something I canceled and am no longer using. I immediately wrote to them and I was quite angry.
I was lucky. Very lucky. Whoever this guy was, he actually took the time out of his day of hacking to speak with me. He told me everything he'd gotten into. He left everything open so I could change my passwords and regain control over my online life. He told me exactly how he got to everything. It started with my Ripway.com account.
For several months, I'd used Ripway as the free hosting space for some minor web pages I wanted - before I chose to go the route of having my own, BIG hosting space LegendaryWears.com. But as fate would have it, I decided to spend a little money to up the daily bandwidth on my Ripway account until I had everything moved and dealt with. I then canceled my account and I never used it again.
As it turns out, Ripway does a poor job of keeping credit card and other personal information away from prying eyes. I was only too happy to be done with them by this point. That is until a few days ago, when I suddenly found myself $28 short in my bank account. Ripway had taken it for some annual fee. It's not much, but $28 is more than I can afford right now - especially on something I canceled and am no longer using. I immediately wrote to them and I was quite angry.
I canceled my account once before, but it looks like your company recently took $28.00 out of my bank account. I want my subscription to your service CANCELED IMMEDIATELY.Guess they are used to be threatened and just cut their losses with me. I checked today and there is my $28 in all it's glory. Finally... something has gone right! I win!
Not only was my information NOT safeguarded by your company, but I was recently hacked using credit card information not properly handled by your company and my identity stolen. If you do not immediately cancel my subscription, I will be at the bank on Monday morning having your charge removed from my account.
The web address associated with my account is [removed by me]
I'm not sure of what other information I can provide in regards to my account. This e-mail is the one connected to the account.
I Need My Own Car
Charlie announced to me yesterday that his mother is pissed off at me. She's upset for good reason. I returned her car to her with hardly any gas. I should start by saying that I didn't do it on purpose. It's the first time I've ever done that to her [although she claims it's the second time] and I really didn't intend to leave her with no gas.
When I bring Hailey to her grandparents after visitation and drive back, I get home around 9:45 in the evening. It's dark by then and I'm not comfortable with gas stations after dark. They've always made me nervous and I think my fear of them is rational. I decided I would take her car Sunday morning and completely fill it - thus filling the tank with more gas than she'd given me to start with. But then I honestly completely forgot.
I'm upset that she's so mad at me. It was truly an honest mistake. It really is the first time I've done that. Who knows which one of Charlie's ex girlfriends she's getting me mixed up with - likely Jennifer since she does it so often. I think I have been very fair about the use of her car. I've taken good care of it. I almost always put more gas in it than it had when I borrowed it. And if I don't, I always at least put back in what I started with.
I wanted to be angry and say "Fine, I just won't borrow her car any more" and then I remembered... That's not an option. I have to have a car in order to pick up Hailey - and Charlie's truck isn't an option for someone like me. I'm legally blind in my right eye [as a reminder to those of you who haven't read the post in reference to this blog's name here]. I have to drive a small vehical. Can I drive Charlie's truck in an emergency? Sure! But it's very difficult for me and it's not something I should be doing often.
Of course then you would probably ask why Charlie can't get a smaller vehicle that we can both drive. Need I remind you that he's 6'8" tall? He doesn't even fit into his mother's car and I mean that literally. So we struggle with the fact that we can't afford another car right now for me. We can't get a smaller car so I can just share with him. Even if that were possible, he leaves for work while I am gone dropping off Hailey. So I have no choice - I have to borrow her car to make it all work.
I hate that I can't just get in the car and go. I don't know where the heck I think I'd go, but I hate not having the option. It feels like I haven't had that option in years. Oh wait... that's because I really haven't! My ex husband took away that freedom. He tricked me a hundred times over in our marriage. I wasn't ever allowed to take my own car and drive anywhere.
I had a fully paid off 2002 Ford Focus that I worked very hard for in high school. After Joe and I got married, he decided I needed a new car because I was pregnant with Hailey. We traded in my fully paid off car for a 2005 Suzuki Reno. I loved that car for the few months I was allowed to use it until Joe decided that I wasn't allowed to drive any more or go anywhere without him. It had 800 miles on it the week I left Joe. It was in his name since he told me it had to be for tax purposes. So he took it in the divorce [and then dropped 60k CASH on a brand new car for himself while keeping my poor Suzuki hostage].
So I don't even have a car for myself. I just cannot afford it. Maybe after Hailey is home and if Charlie gets a better job. Then I can get a job when Hailey is home and we can actually afford to have a few nice things. Until then, I guess I have to deal with his mom being pissed at me a lot over me using her car. *sigh*
When I bring Hailey to her grandparents after visitation and drive back, I get home around 9:45 in the evening. It's dark by then and I'm not comfortable with gas stations after dark. They've always made me nervous and I think my fear of them is rational. I decided I would take her car Sunday morning and completely fill it - thus filling the tank with more gas than she'd given me to start with. But then I honestly completely forgot.
I'm upset that she's so mad at me. It was truly an honest mistake. It really is the first time I've done that. Who knows which one of Charlie's ex girlfriends she's getting me mixed up with - likely Jennifer since she does it so often. I think I have been very fair about the use of her car. I've taken good care of it. I almost always put more gas in it than it had when I borrowed it. And if I don't, I always at least put back in what I started with.
I wanted to be angry and say "Fine, I just won't borrow her car any more" and then I remembered... That's not an option. I have to have a car in order to pick up Hailey - and Charlie's truck isn't an option for someone like me. I'm legally blind in my right eye [as a reminder to those of you who haven't read the post in reference to this blog's name here]. I have to drive a small vehical. Can I drive Charlie's truck in an emergency? Sure! But it's very difficult for me and it's not something I should be doing often.
Of course then you would probably ask why Charlie can't get a smaller vehicle that we can both drive. Need I remind you that he's 6'8" tall? He doesn't even fit into his mother's car and I mean that literally. So we struggle with the fact that we can't afford another car right now for me. We can't get a smaller car so I can just share with him. Even if that were possible, he leaves for work while I am gone dropping off Hailey. So I have no choice - I have to borrow her car to make it all work.
I hate that I can't just get in the car and go. I don't know where the heck I think I'd go, but I hate not having the option. It feels like I haven't had that option in years. Oh wait... that's because I really haven't! My ex husband took away that freedom. He tricked me a hundred times over in our marriage. I wasn't ever allowed to take my own car and drive anywhere.
I had a fully paid off 2002 Ford Focus that I worked very hard for in high school. After Joe and I got married, he decided I needed a new car because I was pregnant with Hailey. We traded in my fully paid off car for a 2005 Suzuki Reno. I loved that car for the few months I was allowed to use it until Joe decided that I wasn't allowed to drive any more or go anywhere without him. It had 800 miles on it the week I left Joe. It was in his name since he told me it had to be for tax purposes. So he took it in the divorce [and then dropped 60k CASH on a brand new car for himself while keeping my poor Suzuki hostage].
So I don't even have a car for myself. I just cannot afford it. Maybe after Hailey is home and if Charlie gets a better job. Then I can get a job when Hailey is home and we can actually afford to have a few nice things. Until then, I guess I have to deal with his mom being pissed at me a lot over me using her car. *sigh*
Why I Hate AT&T
My husband Charlie works for AT&T's Wireless 411. Basically, people call in from their cell phones and they get an operator (Charlie, for example) and they give him the city, state and the person or company they want the number for. Sounds simple, right? Oh how very wrong you are. But I'll get more into that in a moment.
He is expected to maintain very specific numbers (we're talking down to the literal 10th of a second). He has to be at his desk with headphones on and computer running on time. His calls have to last under 26 seconds each. His breaks have to be timed exactly. There is no minute late. You can't even log back in 30 seconds early because it ruins your compliance percentage.
Every night, he's called horrible names by the customers. I don't just mean that the customers were rude... I mean they are downright cruel. It never fails that at least a dozen times per night, he's called the "N word" and pretty much everything but a kitchen sink. People scream at him, tell him he's stupid, that he should die because he's just a waste of air and the list sadly goes on and on. All of this over stuff like the following conversation:
That's just a mere taste of what he deals with every night from 6pm until 3am. He takes approximately 1,200 calls in a shift. AT&T makes $1.99 PER CALL. That means, the customer dialing the number actually gets charged $1.99 on their phone bill for calling 411.
Charlie makes $8.34/hour doing this job. For a state like South Carolina, that's sadly considered the standard of half-decent pay. For what he does... Not nearly enough. Sure, he gets to sit in a room on his behind and sit on the telephone. It sounds easy, but on more than one occasion, that man... my 6'8" big man of a husband... has come home in tears because he's been yelled at and mistreated by customers for 8 hours. So AT&T makes about $2,400 off of Charlie while before taxes, before union fees and before cost of the health insurance and anything else I'm not thinking of, Charlie makes about $67. That's just not right.
Looking past the fact that he is grossly underpaid... the company is constantly doing fundraisers for stupid crap. Okay, I'll admit... there was that one fundraiser for Autism Awareness but I didn't attend and honestly I'm not sure if it even happened. But the rest of these fundraisers have been towards the same thing every time. I have now heard of like 5 fundraisers for a Wii. No joke... the particular call center Charlie works for is trying to earn money to put a Wii in the break room. I don't even own a Wii and I'll be damned if I am going to spend my money so these people can play games during work!
And if there isn't a fund raiser going on, it's a company potluck during work hours. Everyone is expected to bring in a dish of food for everyone to share or provide money for food. Except Charlie works the late shift. When he goes into work at 6pm, the food has been sitting there all day and it cold and nasty. That's not right. Besides, I have enough trouble putting food on the table for my own family - why on earth would I pay money to feed these other people!?
The worst part is, if you even breath wrong you are fired. It's damn near impossible to get promoted in this place. Charlie was out of work a few times. One of those times it was because he was suffering from a potential brain aneurysm [I caused it.. long, hilarious story] and he had a migraine for a whole month. He had to get a cat scan and all sorts of things. He was out of work for a WEEK and had a doctor's note. Doesn't matter - it's on his permanent record for the next like 7 years with them. He can't get promoted now.
I really hate that place. It's a dead end job. It doesn't pay much. The work is emotionally draining. I don't even work for them and it stresses me out so I can't even imagine how Charlie must be feeling!
He is expected to maintain very specific numbers (we're talking down to the literal 10th of a second). He has to be at his desk with headphones on and computer running on time. His calls have to last under 26 seconds each. His breaks have to be timed exactly. There is no minute late. You can't even log back in 30 seconds early because it ruins your compliance percentage.
Every night, he's called horrible names by the customers. I don't just mean that the customers were rude... I mean they are downright cruel. It never fails that at least a dozen times per night, he's called the "N word" and pretty much everything but a kitchen sink. People scream at him, tell him he's stupid, that he should die because he's just a waste of air and the list sadly goes on and on. All of this over stuff like the following conversation:
"I'm sorry sir, I don't see a listing for [insert random pizza place here] in [insert random city and state here]. I do see a listing for it in [insert some other town very close by - likely the one the person is actually looking for]."Are you serious? People do this all the damn time! Sometimes they even claim that another operator gave them the number, so they know the number exists. Well why the hell didn't you write it down the first time you idiot!?
"No! That is NOT what I want. It's in [insert city the customer swears it's in] and I'm standing right in front of it!"
That's just a mere taste of what he deals with every night from 6pm until 3am. He takes approximately 1,200 calls in a shift. AT&T makes $1.99 PER CALL. That means, the customer dialing the number actually gets charged $1.99 on their phone bill for calling 411.
Charlie makes $8.34/hour doing this job. For a state like South Carolina, that's sadly considered the standard of half-decent pay. For what he does... Not nearly enough. Sure, he gets to sit in a room on his behind and sit on the telephone. It sounds easy, but on more than one occasion, that man... my 6'8" big man of a husband... has come home in tears because he's been yelled at and mistreated by customers for 8 hours. So AT&T makes about $2,400 off of Charlie while before taxes, before union fees and before cost of the health insurance and anything else I'm not thinking of, Charlie makes about $67. That's just not right.
Looking past the fact that he is grossly underpaid... the company is constantly doing fundraisers for stupid crap. Okay, I'll admit... there was that one fundraiser for Autism Awareness but I didn't attend and honestly I'm not sure if it even happened. But the rest of these fundraisers have been towards the same thing every time. I have now heard of like 5 fundraisers for a Wii. No joke... the particular call center Charlie works for is trying to earn money to put a Wii in the break room. I don't even own a Wii and I'll be damned if I am going to spend my money so these people can play games during work!
And if there isn't a fund raiser going on, it's a company potluck during work hours. Everyone is expected to bring in a dish of food for everyone to share or provide money for food. Except Charlie works the late shift. When he goes into work at 6pm, the food has been sitting there all day and it cold and nasty. That's not right. Besides, I have enough trouble putting food on the table for my own family - why on earth would I pay money to feed these other people!?
The worst part is, if you even breath wrong you are fired. It's damn near impossible to get promoted in this place. Charlie was out of work a few times. One of those times it was because he was suffering from a potential brain aneurysm [I caused it.. long, hilarious story] and he had a migraine for a whole month. He had to get a cat scan and all sorts of things. He was out of work for a WEEK and had a doctor's note. Doesn't matter - it's on his permanent record for the next like 7 years with them. He can't get promoted now.
I really hate that place. It's a dead end job. It doesn't pay much. The work is emotionally draining. I don't even work for them and it stresses me out so I can't even imagine how Charlie must be feeling!
Life in Limbo
It's been a crazy day for me. I got a phone call from my lawyer's secretary to let me know that my lawyer wanted another face-to-face. It always makes me so nervous when she wants us to have a meeting although in the end, I always leave these feeling better about everything.
But then Charlie brings up the bills. I realize we're adults and it's something we have to talk about, but it's such a touchy subject these days. I know I'm falling short lately - and by a lot. I need a "real" job but I just can't see how that is going to work out. If Hailey were home, it would be plausible. But with her not here, I can't work on weekends and no one is going to hire me over someone else who is willing to do that. And even if I were able to get a job likely working minimum wage and busting my ass, it would also mean that I wouldn't have as much time for the work I do online - which means it'll all fall to pieces and I'll end up having just as much income in the end for twice the amount of work.
I don't know what to do any more. I just keep working hard and hoping it pays off in the end. I wake up every day hoping that somehow, my sales have picked up and I'm making more money again. But they don't. In fact they are lower than ever.
I have just enough money right now to pay for child support and the cell phone bill. I used to cover the cable bill and part of food, rent.. everything. But the last couple of months have been really bad for me sales wise. It's so disheartening. I have to ask Charlie for gas money just so I can go get Hailey this weekend - and he's no better off than I am since he's having to pick up my financial slack.
I hope this next meeting with my lawyer is a good one. I hope that somehow, it means everything is going to be alright and that we're in the home stretch. I want my daughter home. I want to stop giving money to people who make 3 times as much as my husband and I combined. I want to wake up every day knowing Hailey is in her bedroom - probably up and playing with her toys. I want to know that the money I make is going directly to caring for her and not just in someone else's pocket. I want my life to get out of limbo. I want a "real" job. I want to go back to school. I want to be able to spend weekends at home with my family and it not have to involve spending a bunch of money on gas or doing hours worth of driving to make it happen.
When will life go back to normal?
But then Charlie brings up the bills. I realize we're adults and it's something we have to talk about, but it's such a touchy subject these days. I know I'm falling short lately - and by a lot. I need a "real" job but I just can't see how that is going to work out. If Hailey were home, it would be plausible. But with her not here, I can't work on weekends and no one is going to hire me over someone else who is willing to do that. And even if I were able to get a job likely working minimum wage and busting my ass, it would also mean that I wouldn't have as much time for the work I do online - which means it'll all fall to pieces and I'll end up having just as much income in the end for twice the amount of work.
I don't know what to do any more. I just keep working hard and hoping it pays off in the end. I wake up every day hoping that somehow, my sales have picked up and I'm making more money again. But they don't. In fact they are lower than ever.
I have just enough money right now to pay for child support and the cell phone bill. I used to cover the cable bill and part of food, rent.. everything. But the last couple of months have been really bad for me sales wise. It's so disheartening. I have to ask Charlie for gas money just so I can go get Hailey this weekend - and he's no better off than I am since he's having to pick up my financial slack.
I hope this next meeting with my lawyer is a good one. I hope that somehow, it means everything is going to be alright and that we're in the home stretch. I want my daughter home. I want to stop giving money to people who make 3 times as much as my husband and I combined. I want to wake up every day knowing Hailey is in her bedroom - probably up and playing with her toys. I want to know that the money I make is going directly to caring for her and not just in someone else's pocket. I want my life to get out of limbo. I want a "real" job. I want to go back to school. I want to be able to spend weekends at home with my family and it not have to involve spending a bunch of money on gas or doing hours worth of driving to make it happen.
When will life go back to normal?
FreeCreditReport.com Sucks
Several months ago (I wanna say April) I signed up to try FreeCreditReport.com because I wanted to get an idea of what my credit score looked like and perhaps what I could do to improve it.. Charlie signed up too and we quickly came to find out what a complete waste of money it is. We're talking $14 per month per account (It's only "free" for the first month apparently).
It's a huge hassle to cancel this thing. You can't just do it online - you have to call this 888 number and talk to a representative. Well I called to cancel both of our accounts which shouldn't have been a big deal because I'm his wife, I know his social security number and the bank account number associated with the account.
It starts off that they go as far as asking me for all of his information and then tell me that they have to speak with him. Then why the hell did they ask me for all of the information? What a waste of time. So I deal with my own account instead and I go through all of it again, giving them my information. They immediately give me the run around.
They start telling me how I am eligible to get their service for half price. I say "No thanks.. just cancel my account." Then they have the audacity to say "Well I see you checked your account last month - why?" What!? What kind of question is this? What do you mean why? Because I wanted to see my score since I paid to see it - duh!
So now I have to wait for some e-mail from them in order to confirm my cancellation. Why? Do they expect me to change my mind in the next 24 hours? Would I really have gone through all of that trouble if I weren't sure I wanted to cancel? Seriously.
It's a huge hassle to cancel this thing. You can't just do it online - you have to call this 888 number and talk to a representative. Well I called to cancel both of our accounts which shouldn't have been a big deal because I'm his wife, I know his social security number and the bank account number associated with the account.
It starts off that they go as far as asking me for all of his information and then tell me that they have to speak with him. Then why the hell did they ask me for all of the information? What a waste of time. So I deal with my own account instead and I go through all of it again, giving them my information. They immediately give me the run around.
They start telling me how I am eligible to get their service for half price. I say "No thanks.. just cancel my account." Then they have the audacity to say "Well I see you checked your account last month - why?" What!? What kind of question is this? What do you mean why? Because I wanted to see my score since I paid to see it - duh!
So now I have to wait for some e-mail from them in order to confirm my cancellation. Why? Do they expect me to change my mind in the next 24 hours? Would I really have gone through all of that trouble if I weren't sure I wanted to cancel? Seriously.
I'm So Lucky
I was laying in bed just now and a thought came to mind that was so powerful, that I absolutely had to come write about it. There I was, snuggled under my covers, swimming in pillows and sheets when I thought to myself... "I'm so lucky to have all of this."
Even with all of the bad going on and how hard this past year has really been for both me and my family, I have so much to still be thankful for. I looked around my bedroom and I remembered all those nights I would lay in bed awake next to my ex-husband and just cry because I was so miserable. I remember all the times I prayed, begging God to cut me some slack and get me out of that situation. I was so lost and so fearful that that was the life I was doomed to have until either my ex died or I did.
And now here I am. Things are tough financially, sure... but they won't be forever. I have a wonderful husband who has been my absolute rock through everything this past year - my divorce, us losing Hailey and all of the other hardships life has thrown at us. But yet we're still pushing along. We have a beautiful home. We don't live in the most exciting of places, but we're lucky to have it. We have everything we need to get by in this world. And I fully believe that if he and I stick together, things can only get better for us.
I finally have plans in my life. I finally know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. My husband is so intelligent and I know he's really going somewhere in life. All that's missing now is for our baby to be home where she belongs and everything will fall into place.
Even with all of the bad going on and how hard this past year has really been for both me and my family, I have so much to still be thankful for. I looked around my bedroom and I remembered all those nights I would lay in bed awake next to my ex-husband and just cry because I was so miserable. I remember all the times I prayed, begging God to cut me some slack and get me out of that situation. I was so lost and so fearful that that was the life I was doomed to have until either my ex died or I did.
And now here I am. Things are tough financially, sure... but they won't be forever. I have a wonderful husband who has been my absolute rock through everything this past year - my divorce, us losing Hailey and all of the other hardships life has thrown at us. But yet we're still pushing along. We have a beautiful home. We don't live in the most exciting of places, but we're lucky to have it. We have everything we need to get by in this world. And I fully believe that if he and I stick together, things can only get better for us.
I finally have plans in my life. I finally know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. My husband is so intelligent and I know he's really going somewhere in life. All that's missing now is for our baby to be home where she belongs and everything will fall into place.
Money - The Means & The End
The say "Money is the means, not the end" but what do you do when it becomes both? I'd like to think we live within an appropriate budget. We rarely eat out - maybe once a month on average. We spend an appropriate amount of money on groceries and household needs. We're very strict with our money. Yet we never seem to have enough.
Charlie is so smart with such incredible potential. He's so unbelievably book smart. He's taught a forensics class for one of the top forensic scientists in the world. His grades in college were outrageous. He has so much passion for so many things. And yet, he sits on a phone all day, taking calls for AT&T 411. It makes no sense. It sure as hell isn't what he wants to do with his life but we live in such a small town, it's all there really is. Don't even get me started on the terrible pay.
The economy is atrocious. You so much as breathe wrong and you get fired. I work from home and no one can fire me, but even I'm having a rough time with my jobs. No one has money for print on demand t-shirts or virtual clothing in some virtual world. People are too busy trying to keep up with their mortgages and car payments. So now I'm bringing in much less money while certain bills like those for electricity and gas climb in numbers due to the summer months.
"Oy" at how much I pay for child support. Don't get me wrong... I understand perfectly well what the point of child support is and I certainly am happy to do my share financially. That said, Hailey's grandparents are collecting $200/month from me, and $400/month from my ex husband. I know darn well Hailey isn't costing them $600 every month no matter how many times she gets sick and needs medicine (because it's all free, courtesy of the U.S. Army anyways). And my ex husband is actually supposed to be paying $800/month and I $300 according to the financial declarations. Supposedly Roberta is accepting less to be nice. So $1,100... Seriously!? That's the equivalent to a full time job for some. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she would make more per month than I do.
How on earth is anyone supposed to afford to even feed and shelter themselves if they had to pay that kind of money? My financial declaration states that I make $1,000 per month. I wish I made even close to that these days. But even if I did make that much, the $300 I would have to pay would leave me with just $700/month. No one can live off of that. Rent alone for most people costs more than that. Much as I hate my ex husband, I actually feel a little sorry for him. That's a lot of money he'll owe me every month for Hailey.
Even worse right now is how much money I owe people. In particular, I owe my best friend Chris a sick amount of money that he so generously loaned to me so I could afford to hire a lawyer so I had even a fighting chance to win this custody battle. I told him I would pay him back as soon as Charlie got his taxes done. But then more financial problems came up and that money had to be spent. I owe Charlie's mom a little more than a grand as well. That money went to the cost of the bill for Hailey's attorney and my portion of the cost of the psychological evaluation Hailey's grandparents were so desperate for me to have (I'm sane by the way).
Money is beyond tight. There is no such thing as tightening our budget. After regular stuff like rent, food, cable, utilities, the truck payment and the cell phones... there is little is any room for anything else. It costs us a fortune to go get Hailey and bring her home to top it all off - although in all honesty, I can't complain because I'd spend 3 times the amount to get her, even if it meant going without some meals.
Money is no longer the means by which we live. It's a constant struggle and thought.
Charlie is so smart with such incredible potential. He's so unbelievably book smart. He's taught a forensics class for one of the top forensic scientists in the world. His grades in college were outrageous. He has so much passion for so many things. And yet, he sits on a phone all day, taking calls for AT&T 411. It makes no sense. It sure as hell isn't what he wants to do with his life but we live in such a small town, it's all there really is. Don't even get me started on the terrible pay.
The economy is atrocious. You so much as breathe wrong and you get fired. I work from home and no one can fire me, but even I'm having a rough time with my jobs. No one has money for print on demand t-shirts or virtual clothing in some virtual world. People are too busy trying to keep up with their mortgages and car payments. So now I'm bringing in much less money while certain bills like those for electricity and gas climb in numbers due to the summer months.
"Oy" at how much I pay for child support. Don't get me wrong... I understand perfectly well what the point of child support is and I certainly am happy to do my share financially. That said, Hailey's grandparents are collecting $200/month from me, and $400/month from my ex husband. I know darn well Hailey isn't costing them $600 every month no matter how many times she gets sick and needs medicine (because it's all free, courtesy of the U.S. Army anyways). And my ex husband is actually supposed to be paying $800/month and I $300 according to the financial declarations. Supposedly Roberta is accepting less to be nice. So $1,100... Seriously!? That's the equivalent to a full time job for some. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she would make more per month than I do.
How on earth is anyone supposed to afford to even feed and shelter themselves if they had to pay that kind of money? My financial declaration states that I make $1,000 per month. I wish I made even close to that these days. But even if I did make that much, the $300 I would have to pay would leave me with just $700/month. No one can live off of that. Rent alone for most people costs more than that. Much as I hate my ex husband, I actually feel a little sorry for him. That's a lot of money he'll owe me every month for Hailey.
Even worse right now is how much money I owe people. In particular, I owe my best friend Chris a sick amount of money that he so generously loaned to me so I could afford to hire a lawyer so I had even a fighting chance to win this custody battle. I told him I would pay him back as soon as Charlie got his taxes done. But then more financial problems came up and that money had to be spent. I owe Charlie's mom a little more than a grand as well. That money went to the cost of the bill for Hailey's attorney and my portion of the cost of the psychological evaluation Hailey's grandparents were so desperate for me to have (I'm sane by the way).
Money is beyond tight. There is no such thing as tightening our budget. After regular stuff like rent, food, cable, utilities, the truck payment and the cell phones... there is little is any room for anything else. It costs us a fortune to go get Hailey and bring her home to top it all off - although in all honesty, I can't complain because I'd spend 3 times the amount to get her, even if it meant going without some meals.
Money is no longer the means by which we live. It's a constant struggle and thought.
