Charlie announced to me yesterday that his mother is pissed off at me. She's upset for good reason. I returned her car to her with hardly any gas. I should start by saying that I didn't do it on purpose. It's the first time I've ever done that to her [although she claims it's the second time] and I really didn't intend to leave her with no gas.
When I bring Hailey to her grandparents after visitation and drive back, I get home around 9:45 in the evening. It's dark by then and I'm not comfortable with gas stations after dark. They've always made me nervous and I think my fear of them is rational. I decided I would take her car Sunday morning and completely fill it - thus filling the tank with more gas than she'd given me to start with. But then I honestly completely forgot.
I'm upset that she's so mad at me. It was truly an honest mistake. It really is the first time I've done that. Who knows which one of Charlie's ex girlfriends she's getting me mixed up with - likely Jennifer since she does it so often. I think I have been very fair about the use of her car. I've taken good care of it. I almost always put more gas in it than it had when I borrowed it. And if I don't, I always at least put back in what I started with.
I wanted to be angry and say "Fine, I just won't borrow her car any more" and then I remembered... That's not an option. I have to have a car in order to pick up Hailey - and Charlie's truck isn't an option for someone like me. I'm legally blind in my right eye [as a reminder to those of you who haven't read the post in reference to this blog's name here]. I have to drive a small vehical. Can I drive Charlie's truck in an emergency? Sure! But it's very difficult for me and it's not something I should be doing often.
Of course then you would probably ask why Charlie can't get a smaller vehicle that we can both drive. Need I remind you that he's 6'8" tall? He doesn't even fit into his mother's car and I mean that literally. So we struggle with the fact that we can't afford another car right now for me. We can't get a smaller car so I can just share with him. Even if that were possible, he leaves for work while I am gone dropping off Hailey. So I have no choice - I have to borrow her car to make it all work.
I hate that I can't just get in the car and go. I don't know where the heck I think I'd go, but I hate not having the option. It feels like I haven't had that option in years. Oh wait... that's because I really haven't! My ex husband took away that freedom. He tricked me a hundred times over in our marriage. I wasn't ever allowed to take my own car and drive anywhere.
I had a fully paid off 2002 Ford Focus that I worked very hard for in high school. After Joe and I got married, he decided I needed a new car because I was pregnant with Hailey. We traded in my fully paid off car for a 2005 Suzuki Reno. I loved that car for the few months I was allowed to use it until Joe decided that I wasn't allowed to drive any more or go anywhere without him. It had 800 miles on it the week I left Joe. It was in his name since he told me it had to be for tax purposes. So he took it in the divorce [and then dropped 60k CASH on a brand new car for himself while keeping my poor Suzuki hostage].
So I don't even have a car for myself. I just cannot afford it. Maybe after Hailey is home and if Charlie gets a better job. Then I can get a job when Hailey is home and we can actually afford to have a few nice things. Until then, I guess I have to deal with his mom being pissed at me a lot over me using her car. *sigh*
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
World of Warcraft (And Why It Sucks)
My last blog got me thinking about one woman in particular that I used to be friends with. I know what I just said about stalking, but I will defend myself and say that I read her blogs because I really was concerned for her. I'm not judging her whatsoever and I don't hate her or anything like that.
I remember a good while back, this woman [we'll call her "Elle"] had come to me because her husband wanted to play World of Warcraft. Like my ex-husband, hers was in the military and sought to play this game with his other military buddies. She came to me, because she knew of the serious issues I was having in my own marriage regarding this game. I cautioned her not to allow him to play it.
Some of you are probably asking yourselves why. Some of you sadly know the reason because you've probably experienced it all for yourselves. World of Warcraft [we'll call it WoW from now on] is what I atribute at least 95% of the problems in my previous marriage to. It was the starting point for everything and usually the reason for argument. Don't get me wrong - my ex-husband's addictive personality played a key role as well and I can't blame everything on the game, but still it had a lot to do with the problem.
My ex husband Joe became horribly addicted to this game. I'm a gamer myself and I have played WoW myself - both before, during and even after it became a problem. But unlike him, I knew when to quit. I knew when to turn the game off. I left my computer when Hailey needed me. I was the one tending to her needs. I didn't let it consume my time, thoughts and energy the way he did.
Some of the lowest points in my marriage to him, were on the days he played WoW for 24+ hours straight. I only wish I were exaggerating. He became completely obsessed. WoW was all he ever talked about any more. Even in the early days of his addiction when I managed to get him away from his computer and out of the house, five minutes couldn't pass without him talking about the game. He talked about it from the moment his eyes open to the time he closed them - and often even in his sleep. He stopped hanging out with any of his friends - unless of course they played WoW too and he just hung out with them on the game instead. He stopped befriending people who didn't play. During the times he actually had to go to work [which by the way, was RARE] he spent a lot of it talking to guys who play WoW.
It got really out of hand. He got really violent, abusive and uncaring towards me or to Hailey. He literally spent every waking moment possible on this game. Sadly, there are more details I could share, but I'm not going to. It makes me absolutely sick when I think about all of it. I have a huge knot in my stomache as I write this.
The point is, "Elle" knew what I'd been through. She'd heard all of my stories. But yet for some reason, she chanced it and she told her husband he could play anyways. She gave him rules. She gave him conditions. He broke every one of them and now they are getting divorced.
Shocking. [Insert hint of sarcasm here]
But I guess I can't judge. I allowed Charlie to play it after we got together. Hell, I even played it with him. It was like night and day. Charlie always logged off at an appropriate hour - he knew what time he had to be up for work. He did other things with me. We still went out as a family. We still ate dinner together at an actual table. We played for maybe a couple of hours per night [trust me... it's difficult to get anything accomplished without spending at least an hour doing something]. Point is, I realize not all people become that obsessed with it. Personality and discipline have a lot to do with it.
But the fact that she was even concerned and even thought it might cause a problem... she should have followed her gut on that one. I feel bad for her. I know what it's like and how much it hurts. We may not be friends any more, but I do wish I could take that away for her.
I remember a good while back, this woman [we'll call her "Elle"] had come to me because her husband wanted to play World of Warcraft. Like my ex-husband, hers was in the military and sought to play this game with his other military buddies. She came to me, because she knew of the serious issues I was having in my own marriage regarding this game. I cautioned her not to allow him to play it.
Some of you are probably asking yourselves why. Some of you sadly know the reason because you've probably experienced it all for yourselves. World of Warcraft [we'll call it WoW from now on] is what I atribute at least 95% of the problems in my previous marriage to. It was the starting point for everything and usually the reason for argument. Don't get me wrong - my ex-husband's addictive personality played a key role as well and I can't blame everything on the game, but still it had a lot to do with the problem.
My ex husband Joe became horribly addicted to this game. I'm a gamer myself and I have played WoW myself - both before, during and even after it became a problem. But unlike him, I knew when to quit. I knew when to turn the game off. I left my computer when Hailey needed me. I was the one tending to her needs. I didn't let it consume my time, thoughts and energy the way he did.
Some of the lowest points in my marriage to him, were on the days he played WoW for 24+ hours straight. I only wish I were exaggerating. He became completely obsessed. WoW was all he ever talked about any more. Even in the early days of his addiction when I managed to get him away from his computer and out of the house, five minutes couldn't pass without him talking about the game. He talked about it from the moment his eyes open to the time he closed them - and often even in his sleep. He stopped hanging out with any of his friends - unless of course they played WoW too and he just hung out with them on the game instead. He stopped befriending people who didn't play. During the times he actually had to go to work [which by the way, was RARE] he spent a lot of it talking to guys who play WoW.
It got really out of hand. He got really violent, abusive and uncaring towards me or to Hailey. He literally spent every waking moment possible on this game. Sadly, there are more details I could share, but I'm not going to. It makes me absolutely sick when I think about all of it. I have a huge knot in my stomache as I write this.
The point is, "Elle" knew what I'd been through. She'd heard all of my stories. But yet for some reason, she chanced it and she told her husband he could play anyways. She gave him rules. She gave him conditions. He broke every one of them and now they are getting divorced.
Shocking. [Insert hint of sarcasm here]
But I guess I can't judge. I allowed Charlie to play it after we got together. Hell, I even played it with him. It was like night and day. Charlie always logged off at an appropriate hour - he knew what time he had to be up for work. He did other things with me. We still went out as a family. We still ate dinner together at an actual table. We played for maybe a couple of hours per night [trust me... it's difficult to get anything accomplished without spending at least an hour doing something]. Point is, I realize not all people become that obsessed with it. Personality and discipline have a lot to do with it.
But the fact that she was even concerned and even thought it might cause a problem... she should have followed her gut on that one. I feel bad for her. I know what it's like and how much it hurts. We may not be friends any more, but I do wish I could take that away for her.
