I Suck at This Friendship Thing

I've been sort of going over all of this in my mind the last few days. Last week, Cheyenne writes me up because she sees me lurking on MySpace. Her boyfriend [and our friend] Ooie was working all night, she was bored and so she asked me if I wanted to go get something to eat. It's the first real chance I've had to be sociable without Charlie included [okay, there was that one time Sara invited me to her mini get together across the street, but being that I don't really drink nor have a ton in common with those people, it wasn't exactly earth shattering fun].

I made up an excuse not to hang out with her. I didn't lie or anything - just made up an excuse. I told her I didn't really have the money right now to go out to eat and well, that's true because I really don't. But that doesn't mean she and I couldn't just hang out or something. She probably would have come and picked me up and us go hang out - just us girls. But so many things flooded my mind and stopped me.

I feel horrible when I do fun stuff without Charlie. He works so hard to provide for us. I know he's miserable at his job. How unfair is it if I run off during the day to hang out with friends? He doesn't get to do that as much as he'd like to. So I don't feel right going off to have fun without him. I'm sure he'd love to go hang out with our friends.

So I didn't go out. Part of me just didn't feel like it anyways. I was in my pajamas [okay, unless I'm leaving the house, I'm always in my pajamas lol] and something just clicked and I didn't go. I could have made alternate suggestions for stuff that didn't require money. But I didn't, and I am very sorry Cheyenne. It really had nothing to do with you. I guess it was a weird day for me.