Life in Limbo

It's been a crazy day for me. I got a phone call from my lawyer's secretary to let me know that my lawyer wanted another face-to-face. It always makes me so nervous when she wants us to have a meeting although in the end, I always leave these feeling better about everything.

But then Charlie brings up the bills. I realize we're adults and it's something we have to talk about, but it's such a touchy subject these days. I know I'm falling short lately - and by a lot. I need a "real" job but I just can't see how that is going to work out. If Hailey were home, it would be plausible. But with her not here, I can't work on weekends and no one is going to hire me over someone else who is willing to do that. And even if I were able to get a job likely working minimum wage and busting my ass, it would also mean that I wouldn't have as much time for the work I do online - which means it'll all fall to pieces and I'll end up having just as much income in the end for twice the amount of work.

I don't know what to do any more. I just keep working hard and hoping it pays off in the end. I wake up every day hoping that somehow, my sales have picked up and I'm making more money again. But they don't. In fact they are lower than ever.

I have just enough money right now to pay for child support and the cell phone bill. I used to cover the cable bill and part of food, rent.. everything. But the last couple of months have been really bad for me sales wise. It's so disheartening. I have to ask Charlie for gas money just so I can go get Hailey this weekend - and he's no better off than I am since he's having to pick up my financial slack.

I hope this next meeting with my lawyer is a good one. I hope that somehow, it means everything is going to be alright and that we're in the home stretch. I want my daughter home. I want to stop giving money to people who make 3 times as much as my husband and I combined. I want to wake up every day knowing Hailey is in her bedroom - probably up and playing with her toys. I want to know that the money I make is going directly to caring for her and not just in someone else's pocket. I want my life to get out of limbo. I want a "real" job. I want to go back to school. I want to be able to spend weekends at home with my family and it not have to involve spending a bunch of money on gas or doing hours worth of driving to make it happen.

When will life go back to normal?