You Gotta Have Friends

It may seem like a silly subject to talk about, but when you're a mom - particularly one with a special needs child, friends can be difficult to come by. I often struggle with the fact that I'm just 23 years old and I'm fully settled down with a family while a lot of other women my age are free to go out and do as they please - party, stay out late etc. Don't get me wrong... I don't regret it. I just have come to really appreciate the friends that I do have.

I was reminded today of just how nice it is to have friends. Charlie and I went to see GI Joe this afternoon and several of our friends work at the theater. I love going there. Okay, so we get into the movies for free because Charlie used to work there - and that's a plus. But really, I love getting to see our friends. It makes me feel much more human and much more alive. I enjoy knowing that it's someplace I can walk into and instantly fit in because I know so many of the people there. That's a feeling I was without for so long.

During the three years I was married to my ex husband, I had only one friend and sadly I didn't have her long. My ex found her to be annoying and I admit, she could be some days. But she was my friend and she was all I had. Like us, she and her husband were a military family and after they were stationed elsewhere, I found myself completely alone and unable to befriend anyone else during such a horrible period in my life. I was too ashamed of the crappy relationship I was having with my husband and the type of depressed life we were living. I couldn't manage to put myself out there because I was far too ashamed of myself.

Let's face it, I haven't made a lot of friends since my parents moved me to South Carolina in mid 2003. I've bounced around so much that it's been impossible to - and being a military family certainly didn't help. Even if I did make a friend, they were gone as quickly as they came. That was typical since my ex husband was stationed at Fort Gordon - which is primarily a training base. Except for the people who were really stationed there to keep the base running, people were in and out a lot. I never really felt like I fit in with the other military wives anyways. Most of the ones I met had their sob stories about deployments, weeks if not years without their husbands or woes of them constantly being moved around. I didn't have those stories. Joe had been in the Army for 6 years by then. He'd already done his tour of Iraq and we knew for sure he'd never go back again. We weren't moved around - we were permanently stationed at Fort Gordon. I had nothing in common with those women except that my laundry basket looked like theirs.

I have one friend that I have known for years. I consider him my best friend and he's really been there for me through so much in the last, what is it now.. almost 5 years!? During that five years, I can count on my hands how many times we've seen each other in person. That makes for a rather odd friendship but I talk to him more than most friends do I guess. Not a day goes by without an instant message box going between us and if it does, I tend to get worried about him. ha! But anyways... no matter how good of friends we are despite that, a person comes to crave the personal interaction with others.

Charlie has known some of the people in our "circle" as I like to call it, for upwards of 15 years. Pretty much everyone he knows, knows one another. In fact, it's hard to run into people who don't know our friends as I was shown today at the theater when a new kid working there didn't know who we were and a friend of ours who works there explained who we are. The conversation was rather amusing...

Charlie: "I used to work here. I've known Julian for a good 10 years now."
New Kid: "Oh cool. Do you know a Jason Cote?"
Charlie: "Haha Yes. I've known him for 15 years."
New Kid: "Cool! he's my coach!" [On a side note, I find that hilarious and it makes me feel old.]

I guess my topic got sort of all over the place. My real point is that I have friends now and a lot of them. It's all strange to me and I'm still not used to it. But when we're in a group of people, I'm suddenly so calm now and happy in ways I haven't been in a very long time. I find myself so lucky to have all of these friends who not only understand the type of people Charlie and I are, but that we have responsibilities - particularly to Hailey. And most importantly, I'm lucky to have friends who understand the child that Hailey is and that they all love her and many of them participate in her life.