Let's Be Considerate

[Insert long sigh here] Charlie is right. I'm handling this the wrong way. I removed a couple of posts I made. Sometimes it's best to write things out for yourself and not for the world to read. It's a level of discretion I've simply not yet achieved. I'm young still - there is time to work on it.

I still find the entire situation to be shocking and all too bizarre. It's just... life has been so crazy in the last year and it just recently looked like I could slow it all down, ya know? We're in the home stretch and I know in my heart that Hailey will be home soon. But I have been concentrating so much and so hard on my own family and keeping our noses clean to make that happen so I missed what was going on around me and I hadn't anticipated something like this. Well, that is until a few days ago when I wrote the post which basically stemmed entirely of me wondering what would happen later in Hailey's life.

I mean, you can't blame me for worrying about what would happen when Joe got re-married and if he ever had more children. I'm sure a lot of divorced mothers can relate to that. I don't want to call it a fear so much as it's something I knew I would need to prepare myself and Hailey for. But this? Nothing could have prepared me for this. I honestly find the news that my ex husband married a woman 22 years older than him to be shocking. I'm not the only one. It was immature of me to handle it like I did, but in all fairness... I'm truly shocked right now. It was one thing that Hailey would someday have a step mother. It was one thing that she'd likely have step siblings. But now she has a step mother who is older than her grandmother.

Let's be real here. My half sister is practically my mother's age. My niece is older than I am. My nephew is almost my age. My parents were 20 years apart in age and it did have an adverse affect on me. Naturally, I'm worried about how all of this is going to affect Hailey long-term.

And that's all any of this is really about. What is in Hailey's best interest? She's already been deprived of a normal childhood. She's already been apart of a broken home. When I re-married, I did so carefully. If I didn't feel that Charlie and I could together give Hailey a decent shot at a great and normal life to make up for all of the stuff my ex husband and I had put her through, then I wouldn't have married Charlie at all. I just wonder if Joe really thought about what he was doing in terms of Hailey. Because whether he is or isn't involved with her in the long run, I have to explain all of this stuff.

I just don't understand why life can't be normal. It's like we almost get there and then something changes that I have to account for. It's frustrating.