I Have a Potentially Serious Illness

I'm sick right now. Very sick. I'm so sick that I don't know what's wrong with me... sick in a way that will require a visit to the doctor to find out what's wrong.

I'm starting to get very scared. I've never had something that I couldn't self diagnose or something that some Tylenol or cold medicine couldn't cure. I'm hesitant to talk about it - mostly because I know I may just be working myself up over nothing. But it's also because I know my ex and his step mother are reading this and I don't want them to think I can't take care of Hailey and misconstrue my words. Whatever it is that is wrong, it didn't stop me from being able to care for Hailey on Saturday all on my own because whatever is wrong, has been a problem for years.

I can't remember when this problem started because when I really think about it, I can't remember a time when I didn't have it. It started off that whenever I'd laugh, I'd lose strength. I couldn't grasp thing as tightly, pull as hard and stuff like that. But it wasn't a big deal - I just didn't carry heavy objects while laughing. Simple enough.

But then fast forward literally at least 10 years, and I found myself struggling more with the problem. I remember having the problem while living in Georgia. I remember expressing emotion and sometimes feeling a bit faint. It had to be a lot of emotion in either direction in order for me to lose blood pressure and have to hold onto something to steady myself else I'd fall. But it happened so seldom and I just didn't really think about it other than when it happened. It wasn't a real problem.

I moved to Cordova and the issue slowly got worse. For the past year I have had the issue happen more frequently and in a more severe manner. My uncontrollable weight gain leads me to believe it may be related to the issue. But just when I thought it was bad and that it was a real problem, Friday night happened.

That was the night that Patches arrived on our door step. I went to the front door to check to see if she were still there. Charlie was sitting near by in the living room and I called to him from the front door and told him she was still there. And that's when it happened. The room got dark. My knees buckled and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt myself going down and I instinctively reached out for the door handle. I caught myself, took a deep breath and my focus came back. I remember telling Charlie he needed to get to me and then I blacked out. The room went dark again and I don't remember much of anything. I remember Charlie holding me up and walking me towards a chair in the living room and that's about all. For the next minute or so, I couldn't function.

Charlie says that my pupils shrunk and he wiped foam from my mouth. Some people have suggested that I may have had a seizure, but nothing I know about seizures nor have read recently indicates that that is what I had. Of course, that's still possible but I seriously doubt it. It could be a multitude of things that I know of and possibly a bunch more that I don't.

I didn't go to the Emergency Room. I know you're probably thinking that that's the adult and responsible thing to do. I didn't go for a multitude of reasons - most importantly being that I knew I needed to suck it up because it was Friday night and my only day with Hailey was the next day. It doesn't matter if I feel like I'm dieing, she comes first. And of course, the fact that it's a $75 co-pay to go to the ER and only a $20 co-pay to see my doctor played a role as well. I'm fine - at least fine enough to function at home until I get a doctor's appointment [which I will be calling for today].

I've felt like crap ever since. I've been waking up every two hours - sometimes less. But then I get so tired finally that I sleep for a ridiculous amount of time at inappropriate hours. But that's only been in the last few days. Saturday, I just slept a lot in the truck and I took a nap when Hailey did.

For those of you asking, no I am not pregnant. I'm about 99% sure that between my problems and Charlies, it's impossible for me to get pregnant. I don't think pregnancy would cause me to feel like this way anyhow. Whatever the issue is, I'm hoping it will be addressed this week and that I will be on my way to a full recovery very soon.